x y graph => if then graph
Superhero - [Ethnicity]-Man - Powers - Exaggerated cultural traits - Psych Limitation - Enraged when unfairly stereotyped - e.g. Irish-Man, on hearing someone say that the Irish are hot headed, represses his perfectly normal, non-Irish anger, kissing his crucifix and buys the man a drink...then pulls out his harp and sings a song...
A superhero or one's sidekick - Target Man, taunts enemy and is really, really tough. Costume has a big bullseye on it giving enemies a bonus on attacks.
Use cross ethnic and cross class references for cognitive dissonance - e.g. Julius Caesar was not Obama. Julius Caesar was the Godfather, and the Army were his hitmen! Therefore Brutus stabbing Caesar was not analogous to McCain stabbing Obama.
One minute explanation vs one sentence explanation vs five minute explanation...or sentence v paragraph v essay or page...
"Victory has a thousand fathers, but defeat is an orphan." -- John F. Kennedy
Steven Hawking: "There is a fundamental difference between religion, which is based onauthority, [and] science, which is based on observation and reason.Science will win because it works."
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Jokes 5/15/10 Revision
5/15/10
When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised, the Lord doesn't work that way. So I just stole one and asked Him to forgive me...
http://www.playtheimmortalgame.com/board/showthread.php?threadid=130044
5/10/10
...and Jesus stood before the pit and said, "Let he who is w/o sin cast the first stone"
....and then a rock came from the crowd and hit the accused adulteress smiting her lifeless.
Jesus then angrily thrust his finger and approached the crowd and said:
"MOTHER!" "Sometimes you piss me off!"
http://newbroom.newsvine.com/_news/2010/03/16/4026098-right-wingers-write-jefferson-out-of-texas-schoolbooks-
Also - Alligator in bar joke, Cunning Runt joke
Original Post:
The following three were written by unknown authors.
A very rich, older man marries a young, beautiful woman. Big house, swimming pool, Bentley. Every day about 10, the wife goes and sun bathes at the pool. The next door neighbor, a little, old, poor guy goes out around 10 with his trash. Every day he looks through the fence and admires the young woman sun bathing. She has the most beautiful tits he has every seen. The two men meet one morning and talk. The poor guy says, "Looks like you have a beautiful, new, young wife." He answers,"Yes my wife is beautiful." The poor guy says, "She sun bathes by the pool." The rich guy replies, a little uncomfortable, "Yes she does." The little, old guy continues, "She is beautiful and has the most gorgeous tits I've every seen." More uncomfortable the rich man answers, "Yes, her tits are beautiful." The old guy continues, "I would give a thousand dollars to kiss her tits!" The husband replies huffily, "Neighbor, that's enough." The rich guy goes home, but starts to think. "What harm could there be, he just a nice little old guy. He's is lonely and probably harmless. Maybe. He approaches his young wife. She is disgusted. But he tells her he is a little old guy, he is lonely and you are beautiful. You could do anything you want with the $1000. She agrees and they invite him over. The young woman bares her breasts, and the neighbor reaches out and squeezes the right tit. Then squeezes the left. Then he reaches out and rubs both. Then, he rubs one against the right side of his face, then the left. The woman says, "Wait a minute! When are you going to kiss my tits?" He answers, "I ain't got a thousand dollars!"
Two friends are drinking at a bar. They stay for hours and become drunk. One guy says, "Man, tonight this is not enough! Let's go up the street to the whore house." So, they walk two blocks to Madam's Sweet Sisters. The madam sees them and says, " Oh no, two drunks. I don't want the girls to be bothered with that tonight. Henry, get two inflatables and put these guys in rooms 1 and 3" The next morning at check out time, the two drunks meet. One guys asks, "How did it go last night?" The second guys answers, "Awful! I did everything I could think of, and she wouldn't respond. I touched here, no response, I kissed her there, nothing. Nothing! I just couldn't arouse her. It was like fucking a corpse!" "How was your night?" He answers, "Man, she was a witch! I mean it man, a real WITCH. I was doing my thing and I'm at the place you know to go to give a little blo'. I think maybe I give her a little nibble. So, I gently bite her, and she FARTED AND FLEW OUT THE WINDOW."
A guy goes into a bar for a brew. He drinking his beer when he notices a great big jar full of ten dollar bills. He ask the bartender about the jar and money. The bartender explains, "It's a game we play here." The guy has another drink and then ask the bartender about the game. He explains, "You put ten dollars in the jar and I give you three things to do, if you can complete the three things you get the jar of money." The guy has another drink and puts a ten dollar bill into the jar. He asks, "What do I have to do?" "First," the bartender says, "you have to drink a bottle of Tequila in one go without changing facial expressions. Then, I have a pit bull in the back with a bad tooth. You take the pliers and remove the tooth. Last, there is a 93 year old virgin upstairs and you have to have sex with her." The guy thinks, "It all sound iffy, but why not try." He says, "OK, lets go." The bartender puts a bottle of tequila on the bar, the guy tilts he head back and drinks it in one go. A tear comes to his eye, but he doesn't change his facial expression." The bartenders says, "Not everyone can do that. So, he lifts a pair of pliers from behind the bar, hands them to the man and points to the back door. The man goes to the back. You hear tremendous noise, yelling, screaming, barking,, howling, yelping. The bartender can't believe the noise. The man come back, he is covered with blood, all his clothes are ripped and torn, he has dog bites all over his body. He lift the pliers and ask, "Now where is the old lady with the bad tooth?"
When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised, the Lord doesn't work that way. So I just stole one and asked Him to forgive me...
http://www.playtheimmortalgame.com/board/showthread.php?threadid=130044
5/10/10
...and Jesus stood before the pit and said, "Let he who is w/o sin cast the first stone"
....and then a rock came from the crowd and hit the accused adulteress smiting her lifeless.
Jesus then angrily thrust his finger and approached the crowd and said:
"MOTHER!" "Sometimes you piss me off!"
http://newbroom.newsvine.com/_news/2010/03/16/4026098-right-wingers-write-jefferson-out-of-texas-schoolbooks-
Also - Alligator in bar joke, Cunning Runt joke
Original Post:
The following three were written by unknown authors.
A very rich, older man marries a young, beautiful woman. Big house, swimming pool, Bentley. Every day about 10, the wife goes and sun bathes at the pool. The next door neighbor, a little, old, poor guy goes out around 10 with his trash. Every day he looks through the fence and admires the young woman sun bathing. She has the most beautiful tits he has every seen. The two men meet one morning and talk. The poor guy says, "Looks like you have a beautiful, new, young wife." He answers,"Yes my wife is beautiful." The poor guy says, "She sun bathes by the pool." The rich guy replies, a little uncomfortable, "Yes she does." The little, old guy continues, "She is beautiful and has the most gorgeous tits I've every seen." More uncomfortable the rich man answers, "Yes, her tits are beautiful." The old guy continues, "I would give a thousand dollars to kiss her tits!" The husband replies huffily, "Neighbor, that's enough." The rich guy goes home, but starts to think. "What harm could there be, he just a nice little old guy. He's is lonely and probably harmless. Maybe. He approaches his young wife. She is disgusted. But he tells her he is a little old guy, he is lonely and you are beautiful. You could do anything you want with the $1000. She agrees and they invite him over. The young woman bares her breasts, and the neighbor reaches out and squeezes the right tit. Then squeezes the left. Then he reaches out and rubs both. Then, he rubs one against the right side of his face, then the left. The woman says, "Wait a minute! When are you going to kiss my tits?" He answers, "I ain't got a thousand dollars!"
Two friends are drinking at a bar. They stay for hours and become drunk. One guy says, "Man, tonight this is not enough! Let's go up the street to the whore house." So, they walk two blocks to Madam's Sweet Sisters. The madam sees them and says, " Oh no, two drunks. I don't want the girls to be bothered with that tonight. Henry, get two inflatables and put these guys in rooms 1 and 3" The next morning at check out time, the two drunks meet. One guys asks, "How did it go last night?" The second guys answers, "Awful! I did everything I could think of, and she wouldn't respond. I touched here, no response, I kissed her there, nothing. Nothing! I just couldn't arouse her. It was like fucking a corpse!" "How was your night?" He answers, "Man, she was a witch! I mean it man, a real WITCH. I was doing my thing and I'm at the place you know to go to give a little blo'. I think maybe I give her a little nibble. So, I gently bite her, and she FARTED AND FLEW OUT THE WINDOW."
A guy goes into a bar for a brew. He drinking his beer when he notices a great big jar full of ten dollar bills. He ask the bartender about the jar and money. The bartender explains, "It's a game we play here." The guy has another drink and then ask the bartender about the game. He explains, "You put ten dollars in the jar and I give you three things to do, if you can complete the three things you get the jar of money." The guy has another drink and puts a ten dollar bill into the jar. He asks, "What do I have to do?" "First," the bartender says, "you have to drink a bottle of Tequila in one go without changing facial expressions. Then, I have a pit bull in the back with a bad tooth. You take the pliers and remove the tooth. Last, there is a 93 year old virgin upstairs and you have to have sex with her." The guy thinks, "It all sound iffy, but why not try." He says, "OK, lets go." The bartender puts a bottle of tequila on the bar, the guy tilts he head back and drinks it in one go. A tear comes to his eye, but he doesn't change his facial expression." The bartenders says, "Not everyone can do that. So, he lifts a pair of pliers from behind the bar, hands them to the man and points to the back door. The man goes to the back. You hear tremendous noise, yelling, screaming, barking,, howling, yelping. The bartender can't believe the noise. The man come back, he is covered with blood, all his clothes are ripped and torn, he has dog bites all over his body. He lift the pliers and ask, "Now where is the old lady with the bad tooth?"
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